Have you backed up your battery?

One day a few years back, I called my cousin, J, who lives several states away. She told me she would have to call me back because she just got her new cell phone upgrade delivered and she needs to get it set up so she can return her old one. We hung up with the understanding that after she transferred the information to her new cell, she would call me back. An hour passes by, so I sent her a text asking if things were okay. She immediately replied back with a “who is this?” Hesitantly, I responded back telling her who I was, thinking it was joke. Next thing I know my phone rings and this is what follows:

Me (answering the phone with a sarcastic tone): “Do you remember me now?”
J (giggling): “Sorry, cuz, I lost all of my contacts. Can you help me get them back?”
Me: “And how am I supposed to help you from 3,000 miles away?”
J: “I don’t know. I don’t understand what I did wrong. I pulled the phone out of the box and turned it on but my contacts were missing. Then I remembered I had to get them from my old phone, so I transferred them over but they are still missing.”
Me: “Are you sure you transferred them over?”
J: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, how did you transfer them?”
J (sighing very deeply): “I took the battery out of my old phone and put it in my new phone then I restarted it but all of my stuff is still gone.”
Me: “Your battery?”
J: “Yes, my battery. I went into the settings and made sure I saved all my contacts and pictures, then I took the battery out and put it in my new phone. It didn’t work though. Now I don’t know what to do.”

At this point, J is starting to sound really desperate, but I was in a state of disbelief, thinking I was missing something.

Me: “Okay, J, just so I’m clear on this -- you saved your contacts in your old phone to your battery, then put that battery in your new phone?”
J: “Yes, that’s what I said.”
Me: “I see the problem. Do you always save things to batteries?”

J senses things have gone awry so she hesitates.

Me (trying really hard not to laugh): “Where is your old phone?”
J: “I packed it in the box and gave it to the mailman because I had to return it.”
Me: “So it’s gone already?”
J: “Yes, the mailman took it. It’s gone.”
Me: “Oh, J...okay. Did you see the little black plastic that was under the battery?”
J: “You mean the SIM card?”
Me (very excitedly, because I think we're getting somewhere): “Yes, yes, the SIM card, exactly. What did you do with it?”
J: “I didn’t want anyone to get my personal information that might be saved on there so I threw it in the shredder, why?”

Me: "You threw it in the shredder?"

J: "Yes, should I not have done that?"

Me, in total disbelief: “Well, dear cousin, because that is what you saved all your contacts and pictures to -- not your battery.”

After a full minute of silence, J responded with a “well, sh*t” at which point my laughter erupted out of me. To this day, I constantly ask her if she has backed her battery up. She promptly replies with a fairly nasty retort that never fails to make me laugh.