I believe this is yours...

Cousin J calls me and begins the conversation with, “You’ll never guess what I did.” Everybody knows that this is usually the beginning of a good story, but with my cousin, it usually means I’m about to really have a good laugh. You have to understand that J is sometimes the epitome of every blond joke that gets told. She is incredibly book smart, but when it comes to common sense, she sometimes forgets to access her knowledge bank.

Prepared for anything, I sit back and ask, “what did you do this time?” She giggles and sends me a picture of her car with a gas nozzle and hose hanging from the gas tank. The picture is similar to this one except it was legitimately her car parked on the side of the road.

 J: “I couldn’t figure out why everyone was honking at me so I would just wave at them as they passed me. Finally I thought I’d pull over because I thought maybe my tire was flat or something and I saw the hose. And here I thought everyone was just being really friendly.”
Me: “ummm....”
J: “I don’t know what to do with it. Should I return it?”
Me: “I guess you can do that.”
J: “Well, you’re the smart one, is that what you’re supposed to do you?”
Me: “I’ve never wanted to take one home so I am not really sure of the proper protocol here. So, you just drove off? I mean, really, how did you forget that your car was attached to a gas pump?”
J, giggling again: “I don’t really know. I’ve never forgotten before. You know what, I’m just going to take it back. Hang on, I’m turning around. Good thing I only went a few blocks up the road.”

At this point, I am on speaker phone and I hear her mumble “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m taking it back, quit honking” which makes me wonder...

Me: “J?”
J: “Huh?” 
Me: “Did you at least remove the nozzle from your tank before you started driving again?”
J: “No, I’m taking it back to the gas station just like this so the guy doesn’t think I put it in my trunk to steal it.”
Me: “I see”
J: “Well, it’s true though, Cuz. I mean imagine how stupid I would look if I just pulled up, opened my trunk and pulled out the gas thing.”
Me: “Yeah, I’m sure you’d look pretty stupid...”

A few moments pass and she tells me to hang on while she talks to the gas attendant. Still on speaker phone, I hear this in the background. “Hey, umm, I believe this is yours” followed by some mumbling from what I assume is the attendant, then “yeah, I bet it happens all the time, huh? Oh, it really doesn’t? Oh. Well, I brought it back.” More undecipherable mumbling follows. I am pretty well into my laughter by the time she gets back into the car.

J: “Are you laughing at me?”
Me: "Yes, yes I am. What did the guy say?”
J: “I’m mad at him.”
Me: “Why are you mad at him?”
J: “Because he was rude and laughed at me.”
Me: “I see...”